For the first time in my life, I feel like I don’t know who I really am. I know it sounds whack, but I’ve started doubting my wardrobe.
Should I be wearing this stuff? Do I even like it?
Should I buy more stuff, or is it just like a mid-life crisis?
I don’t know anymore. I just want to break down all the time and cry because I have no one I can rely on, I can’t trust anybody. When I think I can, all of a sudden they’re gone and I can’t trust them anymore. I don’t have anyone in my life that can take care of me, or wants to take care of me, or has even tried.
My parents are going off to Melbourne in a few weeks, just flying off and leaving me.
I don’t know when they’ll be back, I don’t even know if I want them to come back or if they want to come back.
It’s coming up to summer, the time when I’m the happiest, so why do I feel even worse than I have before?
I’ve told myself it’s the exams, but today I thought to myself - who cares? I’m going to be in the top class next year, universities don’t even look at year 11 to get in so it really doesn’t matter that I know nothing.
Some people cut to release their anguish, or try and help it. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’m too scared, I’m not strong enough.
I used to portray the image of a strong person, someone that would be there for you, but doesn’t anyone understand I might need someone sometime?
I’ve never cried infront of my mum before, but the other day I did and she did absolutely nothing. She just screamed at me and accused me of being selfish and attention seeking, even though I’ve just lain low the past year to stay out of her way and out of trouble.

Sorry for the long one today.